Two seasick liveaboards at the stern, “feeding some fish”.

1st liveaboard: Well, it’s still better than work.
2nd liveaboard: Yes, but it’s Saturday, actually.

Where: Open sea, Cyclades, Greece
Who: SergeAx

1st drunk russian oarsman in dinghy: Leonid, would you please row faster? We are drifting to your side.
2nd drunk russian oarsman in dinghy: Sergey, it may be better for you to skip some.

Where: Night anchorage near Kalkan, Turkey
Who: SergeAx

Man: Every time I go sailing, it’s like… it’s like… it’s like there is this 15 year old girl who is trying to get out and failing.
Woman: What?
Man: I meant “boy”, I meant “boy”.

Where: Sovereign Marina, Eastbourne
Who: SSSpike

Man: I have simplified my view of the sailing world via stereotypes

Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous

Customer: We have a problem, the boat is leaning over.
Charter office: Ermm… okay. How far?
Customer: About 45 degrees!
Charter office: Are the sails up?
Customer: No. We’re at anchor.
Charter office: Okay, here’s what you do. Wait six hours and when the tide comes in, move the boat off the reef. Then you can come back here, because we’d like to talk to you.

Where: Whitsundays, Australia, Overheard on a radio schedule one morning
Who: Nickj69

Man #1: I always fly my curtesy flag. God sees everything and it’s the little things that count, you know
Man #2: And I bet it turns customs men into slushy puppies
Man #1: Hmmm, haven’t noticed that in particular, but I am more concerned about the bigger picture, you know, the grand scheme of things
Man #2: In that case you cannot underestimate the significance of anything. Clearly.

Where: Approaching Portugal
Who: Rob

Man: Yes, but you sail in such a boring way, hence you will never win
Woman: Yah, whatever, your boat is not my Viagra, deal with it
Man: That was below the belt

Where: Vancouver, Canada
Who: Alpine Joe

Blowing force 9, boat has just come in from crossing the English Channel, young guy jumps out onto the pontoon and says:

Young Man: This was the most spectacular farewell to the idea of me sailing ever again.

Where: Sovereign Harbour, Eastbourne, UK
Who: Astrolabe

Man: I actually failed “Competent crew” course. I fell in 4 times, lost 2 fenders and dropped the outboard overboard.
Woman: Oh, that is so funny, you poor thing, it’s the instructor’s fault, totally.

Where: “Plough and Anchor”, Portsmouth, UK
Who: SailorBob

After the 3rd day at Whidbey Island Race Week, a man walking down the dock at night hears sounds emenating from an open hatch. He pauses and clearly hears an annoyed female voice exclaim:

“let go of my ears, I know what I’m doing.”

Where: Oak Harbor Marina, USA
Who: Seattle Sailor