It’s a funnly old world on the high seas! Share yours, what have you heard?

Overheard Sailing…

Belts, shmelts, she got you gooooood!

February 23rd, 2007 by Captain

Man: Yes, but you sail in such a boring way, hence you will never win
Woman: Yah, whatever, your boat is not my Viagra, deal with it
Man: That was below the belt

Where: Vancouver, Canada
Who: Alpine Joe

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Knitting rocks, if you don’t mind…

February 18th, 2007 by Captain

Blowing force 9, boat has just come in from crossing the English Channel, young guy jumps out onto the pontoon and says:

Young Man: This was the most spectacular farewell to the idea of me sailing ever again.

Where: Sovereign Harbour, Eastbourne, UK
Who: Astrolabe

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Valentine’s day tip #1. That’s how you do it!

February 13th, 2007 by Captain

Man: I actually failed “Competent crew” course. I fell in 4 times, lost 2 fenders and dropped the outboard overboard.
Woman: Oh, that is so funny, you poor thing, it’s the instructor’s fault, totally.

Where: “Plough and Anchor”, Portsmouth, UK
Who: SailorBob

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Seriously advanced navigation.

February 9th, 2007 by Captain

After the 3rd day at Whidbey Island Race Week, a man walking down the dock at night hears sounds emenating from an open hatch. He pauses and clearly hears an annoyed female voice exclaim:

“let go of my ears, I know what I’m doing.”

Where: Oak Harbor Marina, USA
Who: Seattle Sailor

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If only they knew! I must tell them! Operator! Get me Kurnikova.

February 7th, 2007 by Captain

Man #1: I keep missing these tennis players, every time one comes to Sussex, I am in between boats. Kurnikova came - I was buying a boat. Sharapova came, I just sold.
Man #2: Even if you had a boat, you reckon they’d come on board?
Man #1: Oh, for sure, why do you think they wouldn’t?
Man #2: Because you are a weird guy with a 26 feet Contessa. That ain’t exactly Sharapova material
Man #1: She can see past that, can’t she?
Man #2: Oh, for sure.

Where: Jamaica Inn, London
Who: Pete W.

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Honest sir, she was like that when I got here!

February 1st, 2007 by Captain

Man: I’ll have these please
Woman at the till: Wow, three stanchions, you must have had fun!
Man: That’s not the official marina view, but I think I can use you as proof of their unreasonableness

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.56 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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You wanna see what they did to my mast?

January 30th, 2007 by Captain

Man #1: Would you ever consider slapping some advertising on your sails?
Man #2: Only if it’s Durex. In big letters.

Where: Honfleur Sailing Club Bar, France
Who: Sailor

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I can draw Lenin’s portrait whilst blindfolded

January 25th, 2007 by Captain

Captain looking chap: Ha! Charts are for wimps. Goddamn unskilled mainland people.

Where: Ireland
Who: Wimp

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We are talking avian here, right?

January 24th, 2007 by Captain

Man: What’s that noise?
Woman: That comes on at dusk, it’s an anti-bird device, it stops birds settling on the shrowds and shitting all over our deck.
Man: Does it work?
Woman: So far I only have a facial twitch from the piercing sound, but I am sure it will all pass and we will start to fully enjoy our bird-free lifestyle.

Where: Brest, France
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Survival 101: Know where your booze is

January 22nd, 2007 by Captain

Man #1: You know those compases, how they say one type is for sailing boats and the other for motor boats?
Man #2: Yah
Man #1: Well, what’s the difference, motor boat less accurate or something?
Man #2: No, you can’t drink the motor boat one, they add stuff to alcohol in them, to dampen the motion.
Man #1: That’s good to know

Where: Maine, USA
Who: WinterSucks

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