Man 1: So, the way this works is that you have the mast stepped on the compression post, and the compression post runs all the way to the keel. The post is just behind this board here…
Prolonged screeching noise is heard as the boat runs aground
Man 1: And that was the keel
Man 2: Glad we chartered

Where: Split, Croatia
Who: Skip

Next to a complete wreck of a brand new boat:

Charter Manager, rather miserably: Well, apart from this, did you enjoy your weekend?
Skipper, rather neurotically: It was not my fault!

Where: Cowes
Who: Racing gets you in the end

Man #1: So, was everyone OK after the collision?
Man #2: Yah, all good. Apart from the girl who was on the loo at the time. She was not impressed.

Where: Solent
Who: Regatta

Thursday, 24 May 2007, approx. 1915hrs.

VHF Channel 16: “This is Cape Town, Port Elizabeth and Durban Radio. There will be no Weather Forecast at 7.15 this evening due to staff unavailability”.

Stunned silence from the airwaves for a moment, followed by a call from some vessel to ask what that was all about.

VHF Channel 16: ” I am the only person on duty and I don’t have time to read a Weather Forecast with all my other work”.

Click. Silence for the rest of the night. That’s Africa for you!

Who: Multihullsailor
Where: VHF / Sailing for Southern Africa mag

Novice Sailor: Do you know a good cure for sea sickness?
Seasoned Sailor: Stand under a tree.

Where: Mayo SC
Who: Magic

Two yachtsmen alone in the middle of the ocean:
Man #1: What would you prefer now – wine or a woman?
Man #2: It depends on the year of production.

Where: Marina
Who: Rossy

Early morning, it’s raining, good English summer rain.
An old yachtie walking to the showers, mumbing aloud: “I don’t mind getting wet at sea, but detest it on land!”

Where: East Coast marina, UK
Who: Multihullsailor

Man #1: I am organising a regatta, will you come?
Man #2: Where is it?
Man #1: Dunno yet, but there will be yachts and women, you’ll love it
Man #2: I’ll bring my RYA training chart, might come in handy

Where: London
Who: Anon

Tactician: What was our course when we rounded the top mark?!
Mastman/compass guy: I dunno, I was jumping the hally!
Tactician: Come on, just take a fucking guess of what it was before we gybed!
Mastman/compass guy: We were sailing at 3.6.5 degrees.

Where: on boat
Who: m1

Man #1: So, how did you manage to break your ribs?
Man #2: Phosphorescence
Man #1: Huh?
Man #2: I was looking out for it when I fell over

Where: Newhaven Boat Jumble, Newhaven, UK
Who: Highland500