Man: A boat is not a means of transport. It is a luxury. Full stop.
Where: Oxford Arms, Camden, UK
Who: Rob
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
Loading ... Marina Official: Hello?
Guy at the top of the mast: Err.. Yes?
Marina Official: Have you paid?
Guy at the top of the mast: No, not yet.
Marina Official: Well, are you going to?
Guy at the top of the mast: Well, yes, when I am done fixing this
Marina Official: You are not going to just sail off, are you?
Guy at the top of the mast: Mate, I am hanging off the mast!
Marina Official: It could all be a trick
Where: Newhaven Marina, Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate
Current rating: : 5.63 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Man: Ok, We’ll get you straightened away. Just take this line I throw you and secure it to your aft cleat.
Man: No! At the STERN of the boat!
Man: NO! NO! That CLEAT there. There, on the back of the boat!
Man: THE FUCKING SILVER THING!!
Where: New Brunswick Canada, Cocagne Marine
Who: Bruce
Current rating: : 5.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Buyer: I’ll give you 20
Lady Seller: No, sorry, the price is 22 pounds
Buyer: But it’s a boat jumble, you got to knock a few quid off
Lady Seller: No, sorry
Buyer: Well, you not gonna sell much with that attitude
Lady Seller: I am here for fresh air
Where: Newhaven Boat Jumble, UK
Who: SellerBill
Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...Harrassed looking man: I don’t mean to be rude, but how about doing some work fixing my pontoon you bastards. I fell in again this morning.
Where: South Coast, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Captain: Let me just work out the tides, and then we are off
Crew: Cool, but, bear in mind I only have 2 hours parking
Captain: Really? That’s nice of you. I hate crew.
Where: Morecambe Bay, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.
Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Sales guy: And with over 70% of days when we have good weather, you should be able to get good use out of the boat
Buyer (Good naturedly): You are so making that statistic up, I actually happen to work for the Met Office.
Sales guy: No I am not, look, it’s in the brochure!
Where: ****** Boat Brokers, South Coast, UK
Who: Magic Sails
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Chap on the phone: Yah, hi, I can’t find my boat, it’s not at my mooring
Chap on the phone: Yah, I see the dredger, it’s doing my jetty
Chap on the phone: What do you mean, try to find it? Where’s it been moved to? There are 800 boats on my jetty and there are 2 jetties!!!
Chap on the phone: Ok, fine, I’ll have a look, Thank you, NOT!
Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: SailGirl
Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Skipper: Bloody hell, what’s in the bags?
Unfortunate crew: Clothes, wellies, spare underwear
Skipper: And the other two?
Unfortunate crew: A few spares, sleeping bag, blanket, pillow
Skipper: You do realise, we are only going for a weekend and that your bags are the size of my boat? Including the mast.
Unfortunate crew, giggling nervously: Before you say it, No, they don’t float
Skipper: Anything we can drink in there? It’s bloody freezing, come aboard
Where: Cobb’s Quay Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...