It’s a funnly old world on the high seas! Share yours, what have you heard?

Overheard Sailing…

How very very dare you!

December 19th, 2007 by Captain

Husband: Good morning, darling!!
Wife: Don’t bellow, you fool, I haven’t slept all night with all this din

Where: Aft cabin, Marina Porto Cervo, Italy
Who: Unfortunate crew

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Honest mate, not me… We can still get him though! Come on!

September 22nd, 2007 by Captain

Next to a complete wreck of a brand new boat:

Charter Manager, rather miserably: Well, apart from this, did you enjoy your weekend?
Skipper, rather neurotically: It was not my fault!

Where: Cowes
Who: Racing gets you in the end

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The Cherry Orchard, Anton Chekhov, 1904

August 31st, 2007 by Captain

Novice Sailor: Do you know a good cure for sea sickness?
Seasoned Sailor: Stand under a tree.

Where: Mayo SC
Who: Magic

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As long as her birth certificate hasn’t expired…

August 31st, 2007 by Captain

Two yachtsmen alone in the middle of the ocean:
Man #1: What would you prefer now - wine or a woman?
Man #2: It depends on the year of production.

Where: Marina
Who: Rossy

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We was on the way to Utaaah, yeeeha!

June 10th, 2007 by Captain

Tactician: What was our course when we rounded the top mark?!
Mastman/compass guy: I dunno, I was jumping the hally!
Tactician: Come on, just take a fucking guess of what it was before we gybed!
Mastman/compass guy: We were sailing at 3.6.5 degrees.

Where: on boat
Who: m1

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Oh freedom is mine And I know how I feel. I’m feeling gooood! (c) Nina Simone

May 23rd, 2007 by Captain

Two seasick liveaboards at the stern, “feeding some fish”.

1st liveaboard: Well, it’s still better than work.
2nd liveaboard: Yes, but it’s Saturday, actually.

Where: Open sea, Cyclades, Greece
Who: SergeAx

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Ah, it’s all in the stroke, gently, gently my friend!

May 14th, 2007 by Captain

1st drunk russian oarsman in dinghy: Leonid, would you please row faster? We are drifting to your side.
2nd drunk russian oarsman in dinghy: Sergey, it may be better for you to skip some.

Where: Night anchorage near Kalkan, Turkey
Who: SergeAx

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You are in category 8, subsection 12, matey.

March 22nd, 2007 by Captain

Man: I have simplified my view of the sailing world via stereotypes

Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous

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It was so not there yesterday! Damn crustaceans!

March 13th, 2007 by Captain

Customer: We have a problem, the boat is leaning over.
Charter office: Ermm… okay. How far?
Customer: About 45 degrees!
Charter office: Are the sails up?
Customer: No. We’re at anchor.
Charter office: Okay, here’s what you do. Wait six hours and when the tide comes in, move the boat off the reef. Then you can come back here, because we’d like to talk to you.

Where: Whitsundays, Australia, Overheard on a radio schedule one morning
Who: Nickj69

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Belts, shmelts, she got you gooooood!

February 23rd, 2007 by Captain

Man: Yes, but you sail in such a boring way, hence you will never win
Woman: Yah, whatever, your boat is not my Viagra, deal with it
Man: That was below the belt

Where: Vancouver, Canada
Who: Alpine Joe

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