Skipper #1: They have sailing channel on satellite here, I’ve got a 12V TV in the boat and a dish.
Skipper #2: So that you can watch sailing when you are on board?
Skipper #1: Yah, you know, in between sailing.
Skipper #2: You must seriously like sailing.
Skipper #1: Not as much as the wife likes her TV when she goes sailing with me.
Skipper #2: This really has nothing to do with sailing, has it?
Skipper #1: No, although I am doing a pretty good job of convincing you that it has!
Skipper #2: Not really.
Skipper #1: Righto, fancy a drink?

Where: Bastia, France
Who: JellyBaby

Current rating: : 5.6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Marina Official: Hello?
Guy at the top of the mast: Err.. Yes?
Marina Official: Have you paid?
Guy at the top of the mast: No, not yet.
Marina Official: Well, are you going to?
Guy at the top of the mast: Well, yes, when I am done fixing this
Marina Official: You are not going to just sail off, are you?
Guy at the top of the mast: Mate, I am hanging off the mast!
Marina Official: It could all be a trick

Where: Newhaven Marina, Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

Current rating: : 5.73 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Woman: Yes, but they are so unhygienic!
Man: What, boats?
Woman: Well, yah, you are stuck on them for weeks with some guy, all sorts of germs may pass back and forth
Man: Quite, sailing is rubbish like that.

Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo

Current rating: : 5.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Buyer: I’ll give you 20
Lady Seller: No, sorry, the price is 22 pounds
Buyer: But it’s a boat jumble, you got to knock a few quid off
Lady Seller: No, sorry
Buyer: Well, you not gonna sell much with that attitude
Lady Seller: I am here for fresh air

Where: Newhaven Boat Jumble, UK
Who: SellerBill

Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Cap’n: You need to raise it. You point it at stars! The minor, the major, whatever they are called.
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major
Cap’n: What?
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major. That’s what they are called. Also known as the Big Dipper and Little Dipper.
Cap’n: I see, well, point it at them, aim for the middle.

Where: Fredrikstad, Norway
Who: Albany

Current rating: : 4.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Liveaboard #1: I can’t believe I sat on her Santa. She is gonna kill me.
Liveaboard #2: Well, you know what they say, never come inbetween a woman and her Santa
Liveaboard #1: Who says that?
Liveaboard #2: Women, generally. In fact, they never shut up, do they? Always saying something or other.
Liveaboard #1: Mate, you been hitting the boozer again?

Where: Sovereign Harbour, Eastbourne, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Guy, thoughtfully staring at the sea: People only become liveaboards because God hates them. It’s well known.

Where: Boardwalk, Brooklyn, NY
Who: BK

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: Tall sailor is a really stupid idea, even worse than fat sailor, at least you can keep a fat sailor happy down below
Skipper: Well, sort of

Where: Marina di Cameroto, Italy
Who: Overheard/translated to English by Calabria

Current rating: : 4.4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Lady Captain: Ahem, I don’t think so
Outboard Repairs Youth: Well, you asked for it
Lady Captain: No I God Damn well didn’t. I want the sheer pin changed, so why you getting the drill out?
Outboard Repairs Youth: You “Sail Volk”?
Lady Captain: WTF? Thank god I am here, this is “Jocassa”. “Volk”‘s over there. Damn!

Where: Sausalito, California, USA
Who: The Volk

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Landlubber: You guys have a name for a rope that ties an inflatable to the bigger boat?
Seasoned liveaboard with a bottle in his hand: Yah, it’s called a shrowd
Landlubber: What, like indians wear?
Seasoned liveaboard with a bottle in his hand: Ah, no, that’s a poncho

Where: Milford Haven, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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