Thursday, 24 May 2007, approx. 1915hrs.

VHF Channel 16: “This is Cape Town, Port Elizabeth and Durban Radio. There will be no Weather Forecast at 7.15 this evening due to staff unavailability”.

Stunned silence from the airwaves for a moment, followed by a call from some vessel to ask what that was all about.

VHF Channel 16: ” I am the only person on duty and I don’t have time to read a Weather Forecast with all my other work”.

Click. Silence for the rest of the night. That’s Africa for you!

Who: Multihullsailor
Where: VHF / Sailing for Southern Africa mag

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man #1: I am organising a regatta, will you come?
Man #2: Where is it?
Man #1: Dunno yet, but there will be yachts and women, you’ll love it
Man #2: I’ll bring my RYA training chart, might come in handy

Where: London
Who: Anon

Current rating: : 4.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man: Every time I go sailing, it’s like… it’s like… it’s like there is this 15 year old girl who is trying to get out and failing.
Woman: What?
Man: I meant “boy”, I meant “boy”.

Where: Sovereign Marina, Eastbourne
Who: SSSpike

Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man #1: I always fly my curtesy flag. God sees everything and it’s the little things that count, you know
Man #2: And I bet it turns customs men into slushy puppies
Man #1: Hmmm, haven’t noticed that in particular, but I am more concerned about the bigger picture, you know, the grand scheme of things
Man #2: In that case you cannot underestimate the significance of anything. Clearly.

Where: Approaching Portugal
Who: Rob

Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man #1: I keep missing these tennis players, every time one comes to Sussex, I am in between boats. Kurnikova came - I was buying a boat. Sharapova came, I just sold.
Man #2: Even if you had a boat, you reckon they’d come on board?
Man #1: Oh, for sure, why do you think they wouldn’t?
Man #2: Because you are a weird guy with a 26 feet Contessa. That ain’t exactly Sharapova material
Man #1: She can see past that, can’t she?
Man #2: Oh, for sure.

Where: Jamaica Inn, London
Who: Pete W.

Current rating: : 4.14 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man #1: You know those compases, how they say one type is for sailing boats and the other for motor boats?
Man #2: Yah
Man #1: Well, what’s the difference, motor boat less accurate or something?
Man #2: No, you can’t drink the motor boat one, they add stuff to alcohol in them, to dampen the motion.
Man #1: That’s good to know

Where: Maine, USA
Who: WinterSucks

Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Bloke #1: Bold guys are useless sailors, you know
Bloke #2: Mate, probably 80% of sailors are bold, this is not exactly youngster land
Bloke #1: Exactly. Full set of hair, me, bloody brilliant

Where: Off Skomer, Wales, UK
Who: Me

Current rating: : 5.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man #1: Sailing has absolutely nothing to do with the type of boat you have. It’s a state of mind. Look at that bloke. He can’t even spell “boat”. He wouldn’t know a spinnaker from a Spinning Jenny.
Man #2: Errrm?
Man #1: Like I said, you need money.
Man #2: I am going to post you to “Overheard Sailing”

Where: Glasson Dock, UK
Who: Pembroke

Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper #1: They have sailing channel on satellite here, I’ve got a 12V TV in the boat and a dish.
Skipper #2: So that you can watch sailing when you are on board?
Skipper #1: Yah, you know, in between sailing.
Skipper #2: You must seriously like sailing.
Skipper #1: Not as much as the wife likes her TV when she goes sailing with me.
Skipper #2: This really has nothing to do with sailing, has it?
Skipper #1: No, although I am doing a pretty good job of convincing you that it has!
Skipper #2: Not really.
Skipper #1: Righto, fancy a drink?

Where: Bastia, France
Who: JellyBaby

Current rating: : 5.6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Marina Official: Hello?
Guy at the top of the mast: Err.. Yes?
Marina Official: Have you paid?
Guy at the top of the mast: No, not yet.
Marina Official: Well, are you going to?
Guy at the top of the mast: Well, yes, when I am done fixing this
Marina Official: You are not going to just sail off, are you?
Guy at the top of the mast: Mate, I am hanging off the mast!
Marina Official: It could all be a trick

Where: Newhaven Marina, Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

Current rating: : 5.63 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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