Thursday, 24 May 2007, approx. 1915hrs.

VHF Channel 16: “This is Cape Town, Port Elizabeth and Durban Radio. There will be no Weather Forecast at 7.15 this evening due to staff unavailability”.

Stunned silence from the airwaves for a moment, followed by a call from some vessel to ask what that was all about.

VHF Channel 16: ” I am the only person on duty and I don’t have time to read a Weather Forecast with all my other work”.

Click. Silence for the rest of the night. That’s Africa for you!

Who: Multihullsailor
Where: VHF / Sailing for Southern Africa mag

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Customer: We have a problem, the boat is leaning over.
Charter office: Ermm… okay. How far?
Customer: About 45 degrees!
Charter office: Are the sails up?
Customer: No. We’re at anchor.
Charter office: Okay, here’s what you do. Wait six hours and when the tide comes in, move the boat off the reef. Then you can come back here, because we’d like to talk to you.

Where: Whitsundays, Australia, Overheard on a radio schedule one morning
Who: Nickj69

Current rating: : 4.63 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: Kanal Neuf? Which one is neuf?
Wife: Neuf… Neuf… Neuf is black, isn’t it?
Skipper: No, that’s shwartz, or something, either way, it’s in German, this is French.
Wife: That boat next to us is French, ask them?
Skipper: You think this will be more successful than talking to this bloke?
Wife: Yah, his wife is english.
Skipper: He’s been there for exactly (checks his watch) 11 minutes, how do you know this?
Wife: They had bacon on the go when they moored up. They have no bacon in France. Easy.

Where: St. Malo, France
Who: Arno

Current rating: : 3.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Yacht, channel 16: ##### Firing Range, ##### Firing Range, this is yacht “********”, “*********”, I just had a missile come down about half mile off! Over
Firing Range: Yacht “*********”, Yacht “**********”, this is ##### Firing Range, can I have your position please, over.
Yacht, channel 16: My position is……..
Firing Range: Ah, sorry about that sir, you didn’t come up on our radar. What is your intended course?
Yacht, channel 16: ##### Firing Range, 267 T, over
Firing Range: Yacht “*********”, proceed as intended, apologies for giving you a fright
Yacht, channel 16: #### Firing Range, no harm done, you missed by a mile! Nervous laughter
Firing Range: Quite, sir. #### Firing Range out.
Yacht, channel 16: “*******” out.

Where: South Wales, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Tanker, eastern european accent: Pilot vessel, my trampoline is broken, please advise, over
Pilot Vessel: Errrm, please say again, what’s the nature of damage, sir, over
Tanker, eastern european accent: Pilot vessel, my trampoline, it is stuck, over
Pilot Vessel: “NAME WITHELD”, I don’t understand, what’s a trampoline, over
Tanker, eastern european accent: Trampoline, to get onboard, you know, trampoline, over
Pilot Vessel: Ok, understood, damage to steps, we’ll get some sorted once we are in. “NAME WITHELD”, I am approaching you portside. Over

Where: South Coast, UK
Who: SailorGirl

Current rating: : 4.44 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Motor boat with a fat kid, pointing at the water: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Random sailor fishing: Kid, you scaring fish
Motor boat with a fat kid, pointing at the water: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Random sailor fishing: Kid, that’s my bate, you can’t eat it

Where: Fishing anchorage off Rottingdean, UK
Who: Bubba

Current rating: : 4.2 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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