Chap on the phone: Yah, hi, I can’t find my boat, it’s not at my mooring
Chap on the phone: Yah, I see the dredger, it’s doing my jetty
Chap on the phone: What do you mean, try to find it? Where’s it been moved to? There are 800 boats on my jetty and there are 2 jetties!!!
Chap on the phone: Ok, fine, I’ll have a look, Thank you, NOT!

Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: SailGirl

Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: Bloody hell, what’s in the bags?
Unfortunate crew: Clothes, wellies, spare underwear
Skipper: And the other two?
Unfortunate crew: A few spares, sleeping bag, blanket, pillow
Skipper: You do realise, we are only going for a weekend and that your bags are the size of my boat? Including the mast.
Unfortunate crew, giggling nervously: Before you say it, No, they don’t float
Skipper: Anything we can drink in there? It’s bloody freezing, come aboard

Where: Cobb’s Quay Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: Noo! Chris, I told you! Not the heads, it’s brand new!
Chris: Sorry, I had to go, it’s a toilet!
Skipper: You don’t understand.

Where: Fuengirola marina, Spain
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Liveaboard: Damn this WI-FI, being a liveaboard used so be so bloody simple

Where: Chichester Marina, Chichester, UK
Who: SailorGirl

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Woman on pontoon: I said no, we are eating out tonight
Man: What’s the point of coming down to the boat and then going out to eat
Woman on pontoon: I don’t think I even need to answer that
Man: Yah, solid logic honey

Where: Northern Ireland, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Angry skipper, approaching a mooring: Honey, for once, just once, tie the fucking fender on where I tell you.
Wife: I did last time
Angry skipper: Yah, thanks, we’ll get to port/starboard/left/right just after we tie up

Where: Belfast Lough, Northern Ireland, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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