It’s a funnly old world on the high seas! Share yours, what have you heard?

Overheard Sailing…

You wanna see what they did to my mast?

January 30th, 2007 by Captain

Man #1: Would you ever consider slapping some advertising on your sails?
Man #2: Only if it’s Durex. In big letters.

Where: Honfleur Sailing Club Bar, France
Who: Sailor

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We are talking avian here, right?

January 24th, 2007 by Captain

Man: What’s that noise?
Woman: That comes on at dusk, it’s an anti-bird device, it stops birds settling on the shrowds and shitting all over our deck.
Man: Does it work?
Woman: So far I only have a facial twitch from the piercing sound, but I am sure it will all pass and we will start to fully enjoy our bird-free lifestyle.

Where: Brest, France
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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In fact, I scare myself. Quite often.

January 18th, 2007 by Captain

Bloke #1: Bold guys are useless sailors, you know
Bloke #2: Mate, probably 80% of sailors are bold, this is not exactly youngster land
Bloke #1: Exactly. Full set of hair, me, bloody brilliant

Where: Off Skomer, Wales, UK
Who: Me

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 5.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Fame! Da Da Da!

January 18th, 2007 by Captain

Man #1: Sailing has absolutely nothing to do with the type of boat you have. It’s a state of mind. Look at that bloke. He can’t even spell “boat”. He wouldn’t know a spinnaker from a Spinning Jenny.
Man #2: Errrm?
Man #1: Like I said, you need money.
Man #2: I am going to post you to “Overheard Sailing”

Where: Glasson Dock, UK
Who: Pembroke

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Like, live a little, man

January 17th, 2007 by Captain

Angry Man: If you absolutely have to get to the Isle of Wight, you use a chart. It is simple. You look up where you are, you lookup where the Isle of Wight is, and you go from there. You do not say, it is over there and end up in Portsmouth. It just should not happen.

Where: Haslar Marina, Portsmouth Harbour, Portsmouth
Who: Wish I was sailing

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And now, for my amazing trick…

January 13th, 2007 by Captain

Marina Official: Hello?
Guy at the top of the mast: Err.. Yes?
Marina Official: Have you paid?
Guy at the top of the mast: No, not yet.
Marina Official: Well, are you going to?
Guy at the top of the mast: Well, yes, when I am done fixing this
Marina Official: You are not going to just sail off, are you?
Guy at the top of the mast: Mate, I am hanging off the mast!
Marina Official: It could all be a trick

Where: Newhaven Marina, Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 5.63 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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I kill germs at 3 paces. With a hammer

January 10th, 2007 by Captain

Woman: Yes, but they are so unhygienic!
Man: What, boats?
Woman: Well, yah, you are stuck on them for weeks with some guy, all sorts of germs may pass back and forth
Man: Quite, sailing is rubbish like that.

Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 5.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Tomorrow - the world!

January 3rd, 2007 by Captain

Girl: I really want to learn to sail
Man: Oh yeah? Why’s that?
Girl: I want to meet someone with a lot of money.
Man: Ha.

Where: Long Island, NY
Who: Salty

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Ah, the joy of grandparents!

December 29th, 2006 by Captain

Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.

Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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All I want for Christmas…

December 26th, 2006 by Captain

Man: If I get one more pair of sailor socks I am never coming again. A man cannot live by green and red socks alone over Christmas. He cannot, he cannot, he cannot. Aaaamen.

Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 3.4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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