Customer: We have a problem, the boat is leaning over.
Charter office: Ermm… okay. How far?
Customer: About 45 degrees!
Charter office: Are the sails up?
Customer: No. We’re at anchor.
Charter office: Okay, here’s what you do. Wait six hours and when the tide comes in, move the boat off the reef. Then you can come back here, because we’d like to talk to you.

Where: Whitsundays, Australia, Overheard on a radio schedule one morning
Who: Nickj69

Current rating: : 4.63 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man: I’ll have these please
Woman at the till: Wow, three stanchions, you must have had fun!
Man: That’s not the official marina view, but I think I can use you as proof of their unreasonableness

Current rating: : 4.56 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Marina Official: Hello?
Guy at the top of the mast: Err.. Yes?
Marina Official: Have you paid?
Guy at the top of the mast: No, not yet.
Marina Official: Well, are you going to?
Guy at the top of the mast: Well, yes, when I am done fixing this
Marina Official: You are not going to just sail off, are you?
Guy at the top of the mast: Mate, I am hanging off the mast!
Marina Official: It could all be a trick

Where: Newhaven Marina, Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

Current rating: : 5.63 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Harrassed looking man: I don’t mean to be rude, but how about doing some work fixing my pontoon you bastards. I fell in again this morning.

Where: South Coast, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Chap on the phone: Yah, hi, I can’t find my boat, it’s not at my mooring
Chap on the phone: Yah, I see the dredger, it’s doing my jetty
Chap on the phone: What do you mean, try to find it? Where’s it been moved to? There are 800 boats on my jetty and there are 2 jetties!!!
Chap on the phone: Ok, fine, I’ll have a look, Thank you, NOT!

Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: SailGirl

Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: Kanal Neuf? Which one is neuf?
Wife: Neuf… Neuf… Neuf is black, isn’t it?
Skipper: No, that’s shwartz, or something, either way, it’s in German, this is French.
Wife: That boat next to us is French, ask them?
Skipper: You think this will be more successful than talking to this bloke?
Wife: Yah, his wife is english.
Skipper: He’s been there for exactly (checks his watch) 11 minutes, how do you know this?
Wife: They had bacon on the go when they moored up. They have no bacon in France. Easy.

Where: St. Malo, France
Who: Arno

Current rating: : 3.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Babbling Sailor: My wife, she is onboard, we are from Belgium, but she is not EU, she needs her passport stamped, do you have customs here, or a customs number, or coastguard? Who do I contact? She needs her passport stamped, she is not EU.
Marina chap: Hmmmmm. No.
Babbling Sailor: Oh

Where: Fecamp, France
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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