Man: What’s that noise?
Woman: That comes on at dusk, it’s an anti-bird device, it stops birds settling on the shrowds and shitting all over our deck.
Man: Does it work?
Woman: So far I only have a facial twitch from the piercing sound, but I am sure it will all pass and we will start to fully enjoy our bird-free lifestyle.

Where: Brest, France
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 5.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Skipper #1: They have sailing channel on satellite here, I’ve got a 12V TV in the boat and a dish.
Skipper #2: So that you can watch sailing when you are on board?
Skipper #1: Yah, you know, in between sailing.
Skipper #2: You must seriously like sailing.
Skipper #1: Not as much as the wife likes her TV when she goes sailing with me.
Skipper #2: This really has nothing to do with sailing, has it?
Skipper #1: No, although I am doing a pretty good job of convincing you that it has!
Skipper #2: Not really.
Skipper #1: Righto, fancy a drink?

Where: Bastia, France
Who: JellyBaby

Current rating: : 5.6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Girl Skipper: All I wanted was a girly sail but then men came and everything changed

Where: The West Quay, Brighton Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Woman: Yes, but they are so unhygienic!
Man: What, boats?
Woman: Well, yah, you are stuck on them for weeks with some guy, all sorts of germs may pass back and forth
Man: Quite, sailing is rubbish like that.

Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo

Current rating: : 5.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Buyer: I’ll give you 20
Lady Seller: No, sorry, the price is 22 pounds
Buyer: But it’s a boat jumble, you got to knock a few quid off
Lady Seller: No, sorry
Buyer: Well, you not gonna sell much with that attitude
Lady Seller: I am here for fresh air

Where: Newhaven Boat Jumble, UK
Who: SellerBill

Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Cap’n: You need to raise it. You point it at stars! The minor, the major, whatever they are called.
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major
Cap’n: What?
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major. That’s what they are called. Also known as the Big Dipper and Little Dipper.
Cap’n: I see, well, point it at them, aim for the middle.

Where: Fredrikstad, Norway
Who: Albany

Current rating: : 4.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Girl: I really want to learn to sail
Man: Oh yeah? Why’s that?
Girl: I want to meet someone with a lot of money.
Man: Ha.

Where: Long Island, NY
Who: Salty

Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Liveaboard: Hey, that’s not fair, I just don’t think that “Urban Tranquility” is my thing, that’s all.
Woman Companion, excitedly: But your boat has so much potential!

Where:Pier 39 marina, San Francisco, USA
Who: Pebble

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Skipper: Kanal Neuf? Which one is neuf?
Wife: Neuf… Neuf… Neuf is black, isn’t it?
Skipper: No, that’s shwartz, or something, either way, it’s in German, this is French.
Wife: That boat next to us is French, ask them?
Skipper: You think this will be more successful than talking to this bloke?
Wife: Yah, his wife is english.
Skipper: He’s been there for exactly (checks his watch) 11 minutes, how do you know this?
Wife: They had bacon on the go when they moored up. They have no bacon in France. Easy.

Where: St. Malo, France
Who: Arno

Current rating: : 3.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...

Lady Captain: Ahem, I don’t think so
Outboard Repairs Youth: Well, you asked for it
Lady Captain: No I God Damn well didn’t. I want the sheer pin changed, so why you getting the drill out?
Outboard Repairs Youth: You “Sail Volk”?
Lady Captain: WTF? Thank god I am here, this is “Jocassa”. “Volk”‘s over there. Damn!

Where: Sausalito, California, USA
Who: The Volk

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

 Loading ...