It’s a funnly old world on the high seas! Share yours, what have you heard?

Overheard Sailing…

I kill germs at 3 paces. With a hammer

January 10th, 2007 by Captain

Woman: Yes, but they are so unhygienic!
Man: What, boats?
Woman: Well, yah, you are stuck on them for weeks with some guy, all sorts of germs may pass back and forth
Man: Quite, sailing is rubbish like that.

Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo

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Stars in their eyes

January 8th, 2007 by Captain

Cap’n: You need to raise it. You point it at stars! The minor, the major, whatever they are called.
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major
Cap’n: What?
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major. That’s what they are called. Also known as the Big Dipper and Little Dipper.
Cap’n: I see, well, point it at them, aim for the middle.

Where: Fredrikstad, Norway
Who: Albany

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Filed under Girls, WTF?, Crew having No Comments »

Round the world in 2 hours.

January 1st, 2007 by Captain

Captain: Let me just work out the tides, and then we are off
Crew: Cool, but, bear in mind I only have 2 hours parking
Captain: Really? That’s nice of you. I hate crew.

Where: Morecambe Bay, UK
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Ah, the joy of grandparents!

December 29th, 2006 by Captain

Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.

Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Love thy crew…

December 23rd, 2006 by Captain

Landlubber #1: The sail and the party was good Robin, thanks
Landlubber #2: Yah, apart from my cracked rib
Landlubber #1: You’ll have to come up to see us in the new year
Landlubber #2: Robin, you need to get some lights in the cockpit
Robin: Righto, see you next year, chaps.
Robin (walking away): Cunts

Where: Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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You did say, Bring the essentials!

December 21st, 2006 by Captain

Skipper: Bloody hell, what’s in the bags?
Unfortunate crew: Clothes, wellies, spare underwear
Skipper: And the other two?
Unfortunate crew: A few spares, sleeping bag, blanket, pillow
Skipper: You do realise, we are only going for a weekend and that your bags are the size of my boat? Including the mast.
Unfortunate crew, giggling nervously: Before you say it, No, they don’t float
Skipper: Anything we can drink in there? It’s bloody freezing, come aboard

Where: Cobb’s Quay Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Hi, my name is Cunningham.

December 20th, 2006 by Captain

American Crew #1: What’s a kicker?
American Crew #2: Fuck knows
American Crew #1: I thought you were supposed to know about these things
American Crew #2: I do, the crew calls them fucked up names though
American Crew #1: But they practically invented sailing, the brits.
American Crew #2: Yah, whatever, it’s the America’s Cup and if I want to call it Cunnigham, I am calling it Cunningham.

Where: One of the boats in the America’s Cup
Who: Crew #3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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You’ll understand when you grow up

December 20th, 2006 by Captain

Skipper: Noo! Chris, I told you! Not the heads, it’s brand new!
Chris: Sorry, I had to go, it’s a toilet!
Skipper: You don’t understand.

Where: Fuengirola marina, Spain
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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A whole bag of onions

December 18th, 2006 by Captain

Woman on pontoon: I said no, we are eating out tonight
Man: What’s the point of coming down to the boat and then going out to eat
Woman on pontoon: I don’t think I even need to answer that
Man: Yah, solid logic honey

Where: Northern Ireland, UK
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Hey, watch this, mermaids are in.

December 18th, 2006 by Captain

Drunk Man and drunken Woman walking along a wobbly pontoon
Man on mobile phone: Yah, well, tell him it will be monday
Man on mobile phone: Definitely
Man on mobile phone: Points at the boat to the woman, as if to tell her that this is the boat they need
Woman, turns left onto short finger pontoon: Giggles
Man on mobile phone: Ok Rob, I’ll speak to you monday, ok, bye.
Woman does not stop and walks off the pontoon straight into water: Aaaa, shit
Man, completely calm: What did you do that for?
Woman: I’ll give you what for, you bastard, pull me out.

Where: Sovereign Harbour, Eastbourne, UK
Who: SailorGirl

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.29 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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