Woman: Yes, but they are so unhygienic!
Man: What, boats?
Woman: Well, yah, you are stuck on them for weeks with some guy, all sorts of germs may pass back and forth
Man: Quite, sailing is rubbish like that.
Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo
Current rating: : 5.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
Loading ... Cap’n: You need to raise it. You point it at stars! The minor, the major, whatever they are called.
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major
Cap’n: What?
Woman: Ursa Minor and Ursa Major. That’s what they are called. Also known as the Big Dipper and Little Dipper.
Cap’n: I see, well, point it at them, aim for the middle.
Where: Fredrikstad, Norway
Who: Albany
Current rating: : 4.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Captain: Let me just work out the tides, and then we are off
Crew: Cool, but, bear in mind I only have 2 hours parking
Captain: Really? That’s nice of you. I hate crew.
Where: Morecambe Bay, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.
Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Landlubber #1: The sail and the party was good Robin, thanks
Landlubber #2: Yah, apart from my cracked rib
Landlubber #1: You’ll have to come up to see us in the new year
Landlubber #2: Robin, you need to get some lights in the cockpit
Robin: Righto, see you next year, chaps.
Robin (walking away): Cunts
Where: Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate
Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Skipper: Bloody hell, what’s in the bags?
Unfortunate crew: Clothes, wellies, spare underwear
Skipper: And the other two?
Unfortunate crew: A few spares, sleeping bag, blanket, pillow
Skipper: You do realise, we are only going for a weekend and that your bags are the size of my boat? Including the mast.
Unfortunate crew, giggling nervously: Before you say it, No, they don’t float
Skipper: Anything we can drink in there? It’s bloody freezing, come aboard
Where: Cobb’s Quay Marina, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... American Crew #1: What’s a kicker?
American Crew #2: Fuck knows
American Crew #1: I thought you were supposed to know about these things
American Crew #2: I do, the crew calls them fucked up names though
American Crew #1: But they practically invented sailing, the brits.
American Crew #2: Yah, whatever, it’s the America’s Cup and if I want to call it Cunnigham, I am calling it Cunningham.
Where: One of the boats in the America’s Cup
Who: Crew #3
Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Skipper: Noo! Chris, I told you! Not the heads, it’s brand new!
Chris: Sorry, I had to go, it’s a toilet!
Skipper: You don’t understand.
Where: Fuengirola marina, Spain
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Woman on pontoon: I said no, we are eating out tonight
Man: What’s the point of coming down to the boat and then going out to eat
Woman on pontoon: I don’t think I even need to answer that
Man: Yah, solid logic honey
Where: Northern Ireland, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Drunk Man and drunken Woman walking along a wobbly pontoon
Man on mobile phone: Yah, well, tell him it will be monday
Man on mobile phone: Definitely
Man on mobile phone: Points at the boat to the woman, as if to tell her that this is the boat they need
Woman, turns left onto short finger pontoon: Giggles
Man on mobile phone: Ok Rob, I’ll speak to you monday, ok, bye.
Woman does not stop and walks off the pontoon straight into water: Aaaa, shit
Man, completely calm: What did you do that for?
Woman: I’ll give you what for, you bastard, pull me out.
Where: Sovereign Harbour, Eastbourne, UK
Who: SailorGirl
Current rating: : 4.29 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...