Next to a complete wreck of a brand new boat:

Charter Manager, rather miserably: Well, apart from this, did you enjoy your weekend?
Skipper, rather neurotically: It was not my fault!

Where: Cowes
Who: Racing gets you in the end

Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Early morning, it’s raining, good English summer rain.
An old yachtie walking to the showers, mumbing aloud: “I don’t mind getting wet at sea, but detest it on land!”

Where: East Coast marina, UK
Who: Multihullsailor

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Man: I’ll have these please
Woman at the till: Wow, three stanchions, you must have had fun!
Man: That’s not the official marina view, but I think I can use you as proof of their unreasonableness

Current rating: : 4.56 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Angry Man: If you absolutely have to get to the Isle of Wight, you use a chart. It is simple. You look up where you are, you lookup where the Isle of Wight is, and you go from there. You do not say, it is over there and end up in Portsmouth. It just should not happen.

Where: Haslar Marina, Portsmouth Harbour, Portsmouth
Who: Wish I was sailing

Current rating: : 3.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Harrassed looking man: I don’t mean to be rude, but how about doing some work fixing my pontoon you bastards. I fell in again this morning.

Where: South Coast, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Captain: Let me just work out the tides, and then we are off
Crew: Cool, but, bear in mind I only have 2 hours parking
Captain: Really? That’s nice of you. I hate crew.

Where: Morecambe Bay, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.

Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Landlubber #1: The sail and the party was good Robin, thanks
Landlubber #2: Yah, apart from my cracked rib
Landlubber #1: You’ll have to come up to see us in the new year
Landlubber #2: Robin, you need to get some lights in the cockpit
Robin: Righto, see you next year, chaps.
Robin (walking away): Cunts

Where: Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Chap on the phone: Yah, hi, I can’t find my boat, it’s not at my mooring
Chap on the phone: Yah, I see the dredger, it’s doing my jetty
Chap on the phone: What do you mean, try to find it? Where’s it been moved to? There are 800 boats on my jetty and there are 2 jetties!!!
Chap on the phone: Ok, fine, I’ll have a look, Thank you, NOT!

Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: SailGirl

Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Skipper: Noo! Chris, I told you! Not the heads, it’s brand new!
Chris: Sorry, I had to go, it’s a toilet!
Skipper: You don’t understand.

Where: Fuengirola marina, Spain
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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