It’s a funnly old world on the high seas! Share yours, what have you heard?

Overheard Sailing…

Car, dinghy, what’s the difference?

October 2nd, 2010 by Captain

Nice early morning in Chichester
Man in the carpark: Could have sworn we sailed out of Chichester, how the hell can my car be in Haslar???

Who: Me
Where: Chichester marina car park

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Honest mate, not me… We can still get him though! Come on!

September 22nd, 2007 by Captain

Next to a complete wreck of a brand new boat:

Charter Manager, rather miserably: Well, apart from this, did you enjoy your weekend?
Skipper, rather neurotically: It was not my fault!

Where: Cowes
Who: Racing gets you in the end

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Mustn’t Grumble

August 31st, 2007 by Captain

Early morning, it’s raining, good English summer rain.
An old yachtie walking to the showers, mumbing aloud: “I don’t mind getting wet at sea, but detest it on land!”

Where: East Coast marina, UK
Who: Multihullsailor

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Honest sir, she was like that when I got here!

February 1st, 2007 by Captain

Man: I’ll have these please
Woman at the till: Wow, three stanchions, you must have had fun!
Man: That’s not the official marina view, but I think I can use you as proof of their unreasonableness

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.56 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Like, live a little, man

January 17th, 2007 by Captain

Angry Man: If you absolutely have to get to the Isle of Wight, you use a chart. It is simple. You look up where you are, you lookup where the Isle of Wight is, and you go from there. You do not say, it is over there and end up in Portsmouth. It just should not happen.

Where: Haslar Marina, Portsmouth Harbour, Portsmouth
Who: Wish I was sailing

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 3.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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The rats are killing me…

January 4th, 2007 by Captain

Harrassed looking man: I don’t mean to be rude, but how about doing some work fixing my pontoon you bastards. I fell in again this morning.

Where: South Coast, UK
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Filed under Angry Skippers, Liveaboards, Marina Office, You've been told having Comments Off

Round the world in 2 hours.

January 1st, 2007 by Captain

Captain: Let me just work out the tides, and then we are off
Crew: Cool, but, bear in mind I only have 2 hours parking
Captain: Really? That’s nice of you. I hate crew.

Where: Morecambe Bay, UK
Who: Anonymous

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Filed under Angry Skippers, Crew, Landlubbers, Mustn't Grumble, You've been told having Comments Off

Ah, the joy of grandparents!

December 29th, 2006 by Captain

Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.

Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Love thy crew…

December 23rd, 2006 by Captain

Landlubber #1: The sail and the party was good Robin, thanks
Landlubber #2: Yah, apart from my cracked rib
Landlubber #1: You’ll have to come up to see us in the new year
Landlubber #2: Robin, you need to get some lights in the cockpit
Robin: Righto, see you next year, chaps.
Robin (walking away): Cunts

Where: Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Filed under Angry Skippers, Crew, Landlubbers having Comments Off

Warmer, Warmer, Hot!

December 22nd, 2006 by Captain

Chap on the phone: Yah, hi, I can’t find my boat, it’s not at my mooring
Chap on the phone: Yah, I see the dredger, it’s doing my jetty
Chap on the phone: What do you mean, try to find it? Where’s it been moved to? There are 800 boats on my jetty and there are 2 jetties!!!
Chap on the phone: Ok, fine, I’ll have a look, Thank you, NOT!

Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: SailGirl

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
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Filed under Angry Skippers, Marina Office, Sailing is..., You've been told having Comments Off

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