Man #1: Would you ever consider slapping some advertising on your sails?
Man #2: Only if it’s Durex. In big letters.
Where: Honfleur Sailing Club Bar, France
Who: Sailor
Current rating: : 5.4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
Loading ...Captain looking chap: Ha! Charts are for wimps. Goddamn unskilled mainland people.
Where: Ireland
Who: Wimp
Current rating: : 6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Man: What’s that noise?
Woman: That comes on at dusk, it’s an anti-bird device, it stops birds settling on the shrowds and shitting all over our deck.
Man: Does it work?
Woman: So far I only have a facial twitch from the piercing sound, but I am sure it will all pass and we will start to fully enjoy our bird-free lifestyle.
Where: Brest, France
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 5.25 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Man #1: You know those compases, how they say one type is for sailing boats and the other for motor boats?
Man #2: Yah
Man #1: Well, what’s the difference, motor boat less accurate or something?
Man #2: No, you can’t drink the motor boat one, they add stuff to alcohol in them, to dampen the motion.
Man #1: That’s good to know
Where: Maine, USA
Who: WinterSucks
Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Man: It’s all very well, but you are not making any ideology friends here. I mean, the language alone is alienating. What the hell is a haliard? You yell at me to pull it, you yell at me to let some sheets go. I am not impressed. Teaching should be complemented with sign language, in it’s basic form, pointing, for example, is the way forward. Call it ‘thingy’. Call it ‘that’. Complement it with direct action requests, i.e. ‘pull’ and ‘let go’. Then, people will reach out for you.
Skipper: Pull that, will you
Where: Wales, UK
Who: Crew
Current rating: : 5.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Bloke #1: Bold guys are useless sailors, you know
Bloke #2: Mate, probably 80% of sailors are bold, this is not exactly youngster land
Bloke #1: Exactly. Full set of hair, me, bloody brilliant
Where: Off Skomer, Wales, UK
Who: Me
Current rating: : 5.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Man #1: Sailing has absolutely nothing to do with the type of boat you have. It’s a state of mind. Look at that bloke. He can’t even spell “boat”. He wouldn’t know a spinnaker from a Spinning Jenny.
Man #2: Errrm?
Man #1: Like I said, you need money.
Man #2: I am going to post you to “Overheard Sailing”
Where: Glasson Dock, UK
Who: Pembroke
Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...Angry Man: If you absolutely have to get to the Isle of Wight, you use a chart. It is simple. You look up where you are, you lookup where the Isle of Wight is, and you go from there. You do not say, it is over there and end up in Portsmouth. It just should not happen.
Where: Haslar Marina, Portsmouth Harbour, Portsmouth
Who: Wish I was sailing
Current rating: : 3.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Sailbad the Sinner, coming on watch and expecting a course of 185 degrees: Why are we on a 270 degrees course?
Halfwitted boat owner: I’ve taken a course off the rose. We need 270 degrees for Ibiza
Sailbad the Sinner: The compass rose is printed on the chart. Do you think that wherever you are you need to take a 270 degree course to get to Ibiza?
Halfwitted boat owner, clearly stoned: Yes.
Sailbad the Sinner: Right. I’m taking over navigation for the rest of the trip. No arguments.
Who: Sailbad the Sinner
Where: In the Med, 100 miles south of Marseilles
Current rating: : 6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...Stern looking man: Just imagine, spending your entire life sailing. Madness.
Where: Baleeira, Portugal
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 2 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...