Drunk Man and drunken Woman walking along a wobbly pontoon
Man on mobile phone: Yah, well, tell him it will be monday
Man on mobile phone: Definitely
Man on mobile phone: Points at the boat to the woman, as if to tell her that this is the boat they need
Woman, turns left onto short finger pontoon: Giggles
Man on mobile phone: Ok Rob, I’ll speak to you monday, ok, bye.
Woman does not stop and walks off the pontoon straight into water: Aaaa, shit
Man, completely calm: What did you do that for?
Woman: I’ll give you what for, you bastard, pull me out.

Where: Sovereign Harbour, Eastbourne, UK
Who: SailorGirl

Current rating: : 4.29 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Yacht, channel 16: ##### Firing Range, ##### Firing Range, this is yacht “********”, “*********”, I just had a missile come down about half mile off! Over
Firing Range: Yacht “*********”, Yacht “**********”, this is ##### Firing Range, can I have your position please, over.
Yacht, channel 16: My position is……..
Firing Range: Ah, sorry about that sir, you didn’t come up on our radar. What is your intended course?
Yacht, channel 16: ##### Firing Range, 267 T, over
Firing Range: Yacht “*********”, proceed as intended, apologies for giving you a fright
Yacht, channel 16: #### Firing Range, no harm done, you missed by a mile! Nervous laughter
Firing Range: Quite, sir. #### Firing Range out.
Yacht, channel 16: “*******” out.

Where: South Wales, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Tanker, eastern european accent: Pilot vessel, my trampoline is broken, please advise, over
Pilot Vessel: Errrm, please say again, what’s the nature of damage, sir, over
Tanker, eastern european accent: Pilot vessel, my trampoline, it is stuck, over
Pilot Vessel: “NAME WITHELD”, I don’t understand, what’s a trampoline, over
Tanker, eastern european accent: Trampoline, to get onboard, you know, trampoline, over
Pilot Vessel: Ok, understood, damage to steps, we’ll get some sorted once we are in. “NAME WITHELD”, I am approaching you portside. Over

Where: South Coast, UK
Who: SailorGirl

Current rating: : 4.44 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Babbling Sailor: My wife, she is onboard, we are from Belgium, but she is not EU, she needs her passport stamped, do you have customs here, or a customs number, or coastguard? Who do I contact? She needs her passport stamped, she is not EU.
Marina chap: Hmmmmm. No.
Babbling Sailor: Oh

Where: Fecamp, France
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Husband: It’s called a refill, just say to them, I want a refill for XM Automatic Lifejacket
Wife: I won’t remember that, I’ll just ask for a refill for the red ones

Where: Newhaven, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 3.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Two chaps in an Avon dinghy approaching land around Brighton (UK), from a boat at anchor
Both speak with a fantastic Eastern European Accent.
Chap #1: Is this England?
Chap #2: Tell us, we hear you have good benefits? Good benefits, you understand?
Lady #1 on the beach: Errrm, yes, errm, yes, hello, this is England
Lady #2 on the beach: Bloody hell
Chap #1, with a very la-di-da accent: Only playing around, love, I work for the council
Chap #2, with equally la-di-da accent: Yah, I have a yacht.

Where: Brighton, UK
Who: SailorGirl

Current rating: : 3.6 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Landlubber: You guys have a name for a rope that ties an inflatable to the bigger boat?
Seasoned liveaboard with a bottle in his hand: Yah, it’s called a shrowd
Landlubber: What, like indians wear?
Seasoned liveaboard with a bottle in his hand: Ah, no, that’s a poncho

Where: Milford Haven, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.33 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Guy on pontoon: Hey
Guy on boat: Hey
Guy on pontoon: I got the food
Guy on boat: Dude! WHAT? You got WHAT?

Where: Merbella, Spain
Who: Rasta

Current rating: : 3.83 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Angry skipper, approaching a mooring: Honey, for once, just once, tie the fucking fender on where I tell you.
Wife: I did last time
Angry skipper: Yah, thanks, we’ll get to port/starboard/left/right just after we tie up

Where: Belfast Lough, Northern Ireland, UK
Who: Anonymous

Current rating: : 4.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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Liveaboard #1: Hey, how is it going?
Liveaboard #2: Shit, I got no shifts at work for the last month.
Liveaboard #1: Bloody hell, look at her!
Liveaboard #2: Yah, and no one listens to me
Liveaboard #1: You know which boat she is on?

Where: West Jetty, Brighton Marina, UK
Who: Weekend Sailor

Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)

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