Aussie into the phone: So, tell me, is it good? Good sailing, I mean? Nice and warm and all that?
Aussie into the phone: What do you mean, locked in ice? Oh. Where are you again? Oh, blimey, you would be in ice down there! I thought you were in Tenerife and Europe and all that!
Where: Sydney, Australia
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote)
Loading ...Skipper: THE GRANNY KNOT! Damn it, the granny, you know over and in. THE GRANNY, GRANNY DAMN IT. Oh for God’s sake, some granny you’d make. Damn, how many times! One more time (really bellowing): THE FUCKING GRANNY KNOT.
Where: Canal around Evesham, UK
Who: Walker
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Man 1: Why can’t chandleries ever have a half price sale? I mean, if MFI can manage a continuous one through the year, why can’t chandleries have just one? You know?
Man 2: Why bother, they don’t need to, what are you going to do? Screw your stainless bolts off an MFI sofa?
Man 1: It would probably be cheaper in the long run
Where: Port Solent, UK
Who: Assistant
Current rating: : 5.5 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...Man: If I get one more pair of sailor socks I am never coming again. A man cannot live by green and red socks alone over Christmas. He cannot, he cannot, he cannot. Aaaamen.
Where: San Francisco, USA
Who: SanFranJo
Current rating: : 3.4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Landlubber: You freeze your butt off in the winter so that you can avoid paying council tax?
Liveaboard: The fact of not paying it keeps me warm. And an oil heater.
Where: Lowestoft, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4.17 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Sales guy: And with over 70% of days when we have good weather, you should be able to get good use out of the boat
Buyer (Good naturedly): You are so making that statistic up, I actually happen to work for the Met Office.
Sales guy: No I am not, look, it’s in the brochure!
Where: ****** Boat Brokers, South Coast, UK
Who: Magic Sails
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Landlubber #1: The sail and the party was good Robin, thanks
Landlubber #2: Yah, apart from my cracked rib
Landlubber #1: You’ll have to come up to see us in the new year
Landlubber #2: Robin, you need to get some lights in the cockpit
Robin: Righto, see you next year, chaps.
Robin (walking away): Cunts
Where: Newhaven, UK
Who: Robin’s mate
Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Skipper: Tall sailor is a really stupid idea, even worse than fat sailor, at least you can keep a fat sailor happy down below
Skipper: Well, sort of
Where: Marina di Cameroto, Italy
Who: Overheard/translated to English by Calabria
Current rating: : 4 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Chap on pontoon #1: Hey, I tell you though, marinas on the continent are much better
Chap on pontoon #2: Really?
Chap on pontoon #1: Yes, and cheaper
Chap on pontoon #2: Are the facilities good?
Chap on pontoon #1: Oh yes, much much better than here, for half the price
Chap on pontoon #2: Well, why don’t you move?
Chap on pontoon #1: I can’t, my wife is French, she’d feel empowered in her own country, I’d never go sailing then
Where: Shoreham, UK
Who: Anonymous
Current rating: : 4.75 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ... Chap on the phone: Yah, hi, I can’t find my boat, it’s not at my mooring
Chap on the phone: Yah, I see the dredger, it’s doing my jetty
Chap on the phone: What do you mean, try to find it? Where’s it been moved to? There are 800 boats on my jetty and there are 2 jetties!!!
Chap on the phone: Ok, fine, I’ll have a look, Thank you, NOT!
Where: Brighton Marina, UK
Who: SailGirl
Current rating: : 3.67 out of 6 (Click on the stars to vote) Loading ...